emotions


I’m watching One Born Every Minute.  I get so choked up on this show, especially when people get to adopt. That is amazing.  I mean I am sitting here crying at the selfishness-less of this mom who gave these people the gift of children.

Today was an up and down kind of day.  I took my younger to pre-school and helped at my oldest child’s school.  I love helping at school, it makes me think I really need to go back and finish my master’s in counseling so I could work in a school.  Then I had an amazing night with my women’s group.  I cooked some yummy soup and got lots of cleaning down.  I felt like it was a good day.  Now my husband and kids went swimming so I have some time to myself, some quiet time.

But on the other hand there’s the nagging feeling of being inadequate.  I was scrolling Facebook, which can really bring me down if I let it and in this case I did.  I’m struggling to pay some medical bills and regular bills, it’s the slow season at work for me and I have a never ending list of home improvements, not to mention while our neighborhood is average, there on some kids on the school bus, who are not the kids I would want to be sitting near my child, swearing and hitting and kicking and in early elementary.  But then I see on Facebook that another friend I know is building a giant house this summer and renting the current house out.  I mean how do people do that?  We make better than average money and while we have debt and bills so do most people in this country.  We have only two kids and we try.  We are both college educated and my husband works so hard, but we never get ahead.  I love my house.  It’s over 100 years old.  It has many of the original features.  The rooms are nice and there are many.  But lots of the furniture is worn and stained and it’s hard to keep clean and looking really nice, since I have kids and pets.  I am thankful and I feel blessed, but some days it’s really hard.  It’s hard to keep on keeping on.  I see my neighbors getting tons of stuff and new cars, I see friends on vacation and things and new homes and new stuff in their homes and I feel so down, because I just don’t understand it.  I hate getting worked up and I hate being on Facebook when people share their excitement and I can’t be excited.

Do other people get like that?  How can I avoid getting into funks like this?  It’s just so upsetting.  I mean what mom doesn’t ever have envy or jealousy?  What person doesn’t experience that?  It’s frustrating and sad all in one.  I feel a bit better getting it off my chest,so that’s my mom complaint this week.  Why is everyone else always doing better and having more going on?

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